Author: ratnadyer

Repressed grief or resisting feelings of grief is a worse and more prolonged kind of suffering than being with our grief and allowing it to be fully had.

To really feel our grief, with all it’s intensity, is one of the hardest things, but if we push it away, it will still be there, waiting to be felt, waiting for the truth of expression at some point.

With unprocessed grief, we often unconsciously create other problems to focus on to keep grief and our fear of loss away. However in running we generate much more suffering.. feelings of guilt, frustration, apathy, emotional disconnect, depression, addictive/compulsive behaviours, arrogance/victimisation, general stress, anxious thoughts, sleep problems, physical symptoms, suicide ideation, shallow breathing and less ability to be open and receptive to life on the whole.

We also usually have increased relationship problems. We’re attracted to certain types and play out unconscious relational patterns in an attempt to have more control to mitigate loss or devastation. But then it’s these patterns that are what end up being what makes our relationships not work and we then experience more loss and grief.

Unfelt grief holds us prisoner. On some level we are unable to get past certain blocks/demons so we can truly step into our full potential and the life we envision for ourselves.

The long and the short of it is.. we need to find a way to be with grief. It’s hard, but it’s a lot harder long term when we don’t.

Healing requires learning to be with all of your experiences.

What really matters to you in life? What are you choosing?

A conscious, equal relationship, where there is no ‘clingy unstable one’ and no ‘strong one’, will strip us of our ability to operate on that familiar kind of ground, through these unconscious roles/senses of identity.

When our partner won’t be our strength for us, our saviour/rescuer, or our partner doesn’t ‘need’ us and we don’t get something out of being the strong one, how do we know they/we will want to stick around?

Equality in relationship is so beautiful, so delicious; all that we really want, and yet it also shines a light on our insecurities, traumas and fears. It shows us where we worry we’ll be abandoned, inadequate, a burden, unloveable and rejected.

It takes a lot of courage and commitment to work with ourselves and together, to stay open, to share and receive each other in deep intimacy. But oh how beautiful is a life lived with such love.

What a gift we give when we truly show up.

Keep choosing love.
Keep coming back to love.
Keep offering yourself and all that is beyond you to love.

I don’t have to be the strong, independent one or the hurt, not ok one, I can just be human and compassionately acknowledge and express whatever is arising in me at the time.

Sometimes it’s a time of full joy, sometimes it’s a time of immense sorrow.

As with the breath; the end of our exhale is the emptying out, the letting go. From that space of nothingness, the beginning of receiving, the inhale, the next moment, the life force, the love.. has space to come in, to be received.
They need each other, inseparable, constantly dancing together.

To remember how it feels to let go, focus on the sensation of your out breath.

What ultimate good is gold, sex, power, image, if fundamentally you don’t know who or what you really are? What do you really actually have if you do not connect to your own heart?

Many of our patterns of behaviour in our close adult relationships stem from how we learnt to navigate through our family dynamics growing up.
We often learn to adapt and adjust ourselves to fit in with our family, to make the most of our situation and to try to receive as much love or be in the way of as little harm/neglect as possible.
When we continue these adaptations and unconscious protective patterns as adults, they end up being the very things that are our part in indirectly creating the rejection/abandonment we are so desperately trying to avoid.

It’s so important to learn to see what patterns we have, so we can own them and update ourselves, our perceptions and our choices.