Often there is a part of us that yearns to trust and feel safe in our relationships, and yet another part fears that if I really fully trust I will be vulnerable to loss, being let down, betrayed, rejected, abandoned or abused.
We can be caught in wanting to let others in, but not wanting to allow them too far in, to really matter, because then they will then have the power to hurt us.
We often try out all the options.. unconsciously… Maybe I can find a way to be in but have one foot out. Like.. I’ll be there, but not there; often unavailable through work or addictions or keeping a wall around my inner heart.
Or in the other direction: maybe I’ll make the other person the most important thing in my life and be the one to do everything to make it work so they won’t leave me.
In the end these attempts to keep ourself safe are often the very thing that lead to the rejection or betrayal, as the other feels there’s too much pressure to be your everything or they get sick of being less important than your job.
It is important to realise that trust is also about relationship to our self; about coming back to our own sense of being and listening and deep knowing that in truth all is well, I am safe, I am learning, I am whole no matter what and life is looking after me, even when I can’t see it. Trust is learning to lean into that.
When we learn to trust in our self this way, our trust in relationships will improve.