We can’t heal anyone. Only they can heal themselves, and this requires their will to be actively engaged in doing so. We can support and walk alongside, but we can’t heal them.
We can stay in relationships an awfully long time with the idea that if we love someone long enough and strong enough that they will heal.
Unfortunately this isn’t usually the case. If someone has deep core beliefs around rejection, abandonment and unworthiness, these won’t budge unless they actively seek help and work on themselves.
It can be useful to be aware of your own possible story around why you choose/chose to stay and what your learning around that may be.
At the end of it all, self love is of paramount importance first before anything else. If we are not feeling loved and cared for by our own choices, we are not able to give or role model love so well in other ways.
Self love and self care is not the same as being selfish.